What do you mean my name is ATM?

I named this "thing" "Making Smarter Steps" partly because my intention was to offer new parents in a step family relationship some advice learned from my nearly 10 years as a divorced and step parent.

Divorced parents - be nice to each other as much as possible and get the conflict between you behind you as soon as possible. I have seen divorced parents work together and I have seen conflict-ridden divorced parents. The divorced couple that can work together and remain civil is much better off. It seems many times one (or both) ex-spouse(s) is/are simply unable to release the anger and bitterness after YEARS of being divorced. Their lives are apparently centered upon making the offending ex "PAY". All pay a price, but sadly the kids pay the largest.

Fifty percent of us are divorcing for many different reasons. Some divorce due to physical abuse, addiction to any number of things and mental cruelty. I understand that many times the reason for the divorce is beyond the control of one spouse or the other. However, for many, the "blame" for the divorce is shared by both spouses. This being the case, GET OVER IT!!!!! Go on with your lives and raise your kids. There is happiness out there - rather than wallowing in self-pity, go get happy!

I know first hand that the child support system in many states is set up as a "penalize the male spouse" system that is abused by attorneys and child support claimers. Money and child support payment is a primary wedge between ex's. The receiver does not have to account for the money and in many cases does not spend the money on the kids. Rather, they see the payments as being penalties the ex pays for daring to follow through with a divorce. Many child support payers are simply treated as ATM's that produce cash for the ex and then are trampled by the system. It is one of the many things about divorce and child support that are wrong.